| Yep, I did drop it, and yep, I already thought about how I was going to get ahold of you.
First the drop:
Well, needless to say, I did a lot of replaying the situation. Looking back at it, I could have asked word for word the exact same question as the girl before did (and therefore merited some sort of "I don't get what you mean. I thought that was just what she asked."... but that's not the point. The point is how I got there.
Before class started, [the profeesor] couldn't get the VCR to work, so she asked if anyone knew how to work it. As I'm pretty technical with those sorts of things (I'm sure you remember me explaining how to tape vcr-to-vcr last semester), I volunteered and went up front to the electronics console. But when I didn't readily figure it out, she said something like, "You can go back to your seat now." Geez, if it had been a brand new professor, I don't think she/he would have said it like that. Maybe, "Thanks, I'll figure it out." or something like that, but her tone and word choice passed the message to me that she was making extra sure to keep those professor/student lines drawn.
No big deal. So, on with class, and I try to interject with a comment to clarify the girl's question and the class's concern with so much typing. Wow! Talk about knocking me out of my seat. I just tried to get [the professor]'s attention and bam! When she came back with "Maybe you want to answer her question for her, Justin" or something like that, I was stunned. Like I said before, I sensed that she wanted to keep the prof/student line drawn, but that was uncalled for. I wasn't doing anything that hadn't happened last semester hundreds of times. It wasn't the most formal of classes where everyone raised his or her hand and waited to be called upon. So, anyway, I sat there stunned. When [the professor] finished with the girl, she didn't come back to me, to ask "What was it you were going to say, Justin?" or anything like that. She just went on talking. The message that I was far from an integral part of the class was being broadcast loud and clear. But, finally, I did get her attention and she called upon me.And so, I delivered my long drawn out explanation/question to be rebutted with "Is that a serious question?", the look of Could-you-really-be-that-stupid? and the classes "Ohhh." That was it. She'd crossed the line too many times, too far, and so, as she came around the desk continuing her condescending remarks, I told her, "I know I came in a little boisterous, but I think we both need to go back to our corners." (Otherwise who knows where it might have escalated.) and to that came the look of death. I sat the rest of class thinking about how a professor I'd so admired the first semester had gone to one whose class I now dreaded.
Just before class was done, to re-obtain any question of authority, she said "Justin, I need to speak with you." so that it was well heard by all members of the class, and then when we got to talking, she told me that she didn't realize the first part about saying did I want to answer her question and that she asked if it was a serious question because she thought I'd asked exactly what the girl had just finished asking. (Looking back, I could have asked the exact same thing. I was so stunned at her comment that I didn't hear a word the girl said.) But then she said, "But you can not tell me that we both need to go back in our corners on the very first day of class." I did not agree. She attacked me. By the time she said that serious question comment, my eyes were welling up. Not only was she repeatedly trying to convey that I was a pee-on, but now she'd tried to make me look like a moron in front of the class. And so, we half-assedly apologized to each other.
Soooo... replaying the scene over and over and over, I couldn't get it out of my mind. The entire weekend, that's about all I could think about. Monday night, I went to class and found myself not saying anything (to a brand new professor) for fear that something similar would happen. And then I realized, this is ridiculous. I'm not going to sit in a class an entire semester, not saying anything, or worrying about whether the same situation will happen again. It's just not worth it, and so, I found replacement units. Nothing wonderful, but it would keep my class schedule at 15 units. Believe it or not, I didn't even drop the class until yesterday. I was still thinking, maybe... but...
And so, no, you won't see me in class. I've still got to write [the professor] a letter saying that I didn't drop because I thought she'd arbitrarily lower my grade, but rather because I didn't want to sit stunted the entire semester.
You:
The one thing majorly in the class's court was you (well, and [Joe] and [Joe]... but they're just red heads... did I tell you I have a MAJOR thing for red heads?) Anyway, you were the one reason I kept debating on whether to stay in the class or not. Friends at USC are far and few between for me. Actually, I'd have no problem counting them on one hand. I REALLY wanted to have another class with you... and then, like I said the other day, I didn't even know your last name. So, while I was debating the whole deal, I thought I could find you in the student directory... [derivation of her name]... or anything close to that... then I realized I'd sent you e-mail last semester. You were on AOL. And so, believe it or not, I was going to mail you... just as soon as all this crap had calmed down.
So, yes, I would really like keeping in touch... heck, even doing some real world activity together would be great, too. I'm game for most new situations... clubbing, bowling, whatever. :-)
Anyway, guess I better get on that letter to [the professor]... won't that be fun! ;-)
Talk to you soon?
Justin
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